“always the question”

i was subbing… a student was looking at me… trying to figure it all out… i felt his eyes as i walked around the classroom…. there was a conversation.. misgendered… an apology.. misgendered… i softly told my secret… he smiled as it now made sense….
but i think no matter where i go there will always be that question….
it can bury you…. steal your happiness, time and time again… and will i ever not care…
that’s the question i’ll always ask

“the question”

i felt your eyes
with always that question,
that question in your eyes….
there was not the hate
just the question
always the question
always the question….

your smile was warm
but it was your eyes,
your eyes that captured my soul
and i felt your question
always that question…
and in that room were others
and did we share the same reflection
no
no for my reflection carried that question
always that question
always that question

and as i weaved my way through that day
i saw so many eyes
but many of those eyes
lost within their private world
lost within their world…
and because of that
did i even exist
for it could of been anyone standing there….
and anybody standing there
anybody standing there
would of never felt
never felt the question
always the question

at times the day was flooded
flooded with laughter
flooded with smiles
but in that frame of time
it didn’t matter if you had that question
always that question
for i like to think you saw her spirit
her joy of “just being”
and because of that joy
and because of her joy
the question really didn’t matter
bit i still wonder
i will always wonder
was the question there
was the question there

tess julianna 3/9/19

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