“the choices that i made”

i love this piece i wrote…. the slippers refer to a ballerina’s slippers and images i saw when i went to the Az. School of Ballet to see a ballet… there were girls in a studio practicing and i was captured by what i saw… this piece deals with so much more than what’s on the paper

to all my dancers, wherever you may be
“the choices that i made”

i sit alone
on this wooden deck….
islands drift by in the chilly mist
with a sun rise still hours away…
yet my reflection never changes
in these early hours…
a woolen sweater
a worn sock hat
my fingerless gloves,
while in my head
my restless demons dance
leaving me to sit here now
alone and with regret
for the choices that i made….

i think of you now…
and a tear fills my eye,
a thousand questions i cannot answer
rips my soul apart…
for do we really ever know
the pain that will fill our hearts one day,
fill our hearts because,
because of the choices that we made…

i tied my shoes with laces caked in mud
the leather, stain in sweat and worn miles
my feet tired and blistered
while you chose to tie your slippers
with feet blistered worst than mine
from endless practices….
and in a way we both danced
each to our own drummer….
we danced because of the choices we made
and now i wonder did we have a choice
i never had your slippers and did you ever have my boots
and because of that….
yea the choices that we made

i choose a summit
you chose the stage
while i bathed in the warmth of an early morning sun
always the wind i felt….
while you,
you chose the spotlight
the applause may it never end
we both feel this in our soul
for this becomes the essence of who we are
the essence of who we are
because of the choices that we made

i sit in a silent regret
as i watch you stretch…
how many times did you stand and hold the rail,
endless practices
a routine that became your life,
always in that room of dreams…
and if that spotlight never came
would it really matter
because i watched you dance that day
and your smile told me what your heart felt
i envy the choices that you made….

and for me
i hardly ever stretched…
i just laced my boots
shouldered my pack….
never did i have to practice
in that room of dreams…
i just found a trail and let my boots
find my peace in heart
because of the choices that i made…

and today i cry
my feet are worn from the miles
my boots sit silently in a closet
the miles i cannot walk
and if i had one wish today
just for a moment
that is all i ask….
just for a moment…
to tie your slippers and dance,
ah the choices that i made
tess julianna 5/23/18