Spotlight on Cinderella

“thoughts on “Studio Spotlight Cinderella”

i wanted to touch but i knew not to, i wanted so deeply to belong, but i knew i never could… my eyes raced around the room trying to grasp it all, yet i knew in my heart i never would be able to…. i cried deep within my heart and my chest seemed heavy because of the sorrow, or was it the joy as my tears continuously stained my face…. i watched so closely those that belong, they had that feeling of ownership… this was no big deal for them for this is where they belonged, this was their world…. i watched as the door, a door i would never be able to have the ownership of walking through open and let those who belong walk into an entirely different world than mine, it was the world of a dancer, and these dancer were so special to my heart, as these dancers danced the ballet…. i thought of all my friends from last summer, i thought of you Zachary, for i listened with my heart as you told me about this world…

i finally stood in the lobby of Ballet Arizona, this was the School of Ballet Arizona… i belonged to many different educational experiences in my lifetime and walked through countless door to learn… i had that feeling of ownership that those dancers who casually walked through their door had, but this was one door that was never opened to me, and today i cry because now i wanted that lifetime… no they didn’t carry the books that i carried when i walked through my doors, no they had their bag of sweats, their tights and leg warmers but mainly they carried their badge of distinction, they carried their ballet shoes…. my shoes were always heavy and bulky for they took me into a world of geology, that was the world that i had ownership of… their shoes were soft and seemed so delicate to me… and i wonder what they felt like on their feet, but i knew they were soaked in sweat, the sweat of a dancer’s endless practices…
i quietly watch the dancers, the little girls in their black tights with their long hair tied in a dancer’s bun on their head… they chatted as they walked through that door with smiles on their faces…. i thought of how many countless hours they had already practiced… their conversations were probably filled with images of the world of dance and i knew in my heart they all carried the dream of being that ballerina on a stage, a stage with the spotlight on them…
and then i saw the images of him, he was young and had an innocence about him… this too was his world of dreams… already his body was lean yet his reflection was gentle like a dancer’s should be…. he knew in his heart that this was the playing field that he belonged on, and i’m sure he never listened to the harsh words that many other boys playing on their field of dreams would throw at him… i never would of had his confidence or his belief in his dream, no my world would of been shattered by those harsh words….
and that endless moment finally passed… my thoughts were broken as the reality of the moment became clear… i walked away from “their door” and saw myself become part of the crowd that waited for a performance, a performance that i knew would unleash another flood of emotions…
i didn’t sit in the seat i sat in all summer long, no this was a different theater, a different world, but i sat as close to it as i could…. this theater was different and i could sensei it in the emotions that filled my body…. i could see it on the dance floor, the curtains… this was sacred ground to me but i knew i had to be close enough to see their faces, that expression of joy that i always saw in my dancers from last summer…. and as the music finally filled the room i saw the dancers enter… i wanted to see Paul there dancing with Stephanie but i couldn’t find them amongst these dancers so i cried… i did a lot of crying in that hour… i was so happy to be alive, to be here and to have the love in my heart for this world that i was witness to….
and what i loved most about this evening were the dancers were not in their elegant costumes but just in their practice tights…. the colors didn’t blend but each wore the reflection of that individual dancer… were these their favorite tights, the ones they felt most comfortable in, the blend of colors that were their favorite…. these were the badges of their countless hours of practice….
i wanted these minutes to go on forever, i didn’t want the music to ever stop… i didn’t know where to focus so i let my eyes dance aimlessly, yet i tried to see every dancer’s face in those minutes…. my eyes were always racing back to their feet, standing so effortlessly on their toes…. the movement of their legs, their muscles tensed yet the motion so soft and gentle… and my tears of joy kept silently flowing….
and when Cinderella and her prince finally came into view and began their ballet i saw immediately what all those others dancers strived so hard to achieve… these two dancers were at a level that seemed far above the rest… i saw it in their faces, the poetry of their motion and in their feet…. but then it was over, the music had stopped only to fill that room with the applause of love and appreciation…
as the applause died down the Head Dance-Master took the floor and called out a few of his dancers… they wore the reflection of being exhausted, of giving their all in these moments… they stood there with a respect for their dance…. this was their playing field but it was a sacred field and they showed that respect…. before us they stood there quietly trying to stretch out their tired muscles, they stood there with modesty not parading around making useless noise of “their” performance…… they stood there with dignity yet each one took a moment to talk and let us into their sacred world of dance…
i left quietly, just as i entered but my heart was filled with an incredible joy

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