teach me to dance

i love to “people watch” but i question what answers do i seek in this quest…. but in the end i guess i just want to learn to dance or in other words i just want to be like you…. is it wrong to want this so much after i was granted the blessing i now have… yes i am transgender and i am so proud of the woman i am becoming… i can now walk with a beautiful smile, my head held high but i still want so desperately to dance just like you, the tilt of your head, expressive eyes… and i hear my heart speak, patience my dear you are still so young, give it time and yes you too will dance

“teach me to dance”

a pallet of images are painted before me
while my eyes silently search
as they have for so many lifetimes
and i ask myself
do i really know what i seek….
i am,
yet i still struggle
struggle silent battles
battles to find my reflection
my reflection in their faces
their hands
my eyes dart from one to the other
an endless parade has passed
in these quiet moments
while i search
while i search

and of their reflections
they speak a language
my body knows not
yet i try in my silent moments
but i know not their dance
whether “he” or “she”
i was neither…
and so i ask
is their dance locked in my heart
it was safe there
protected
but can i find the key
the key to unlock this dance
yet in a way i am still afraid
i hesitate
for your dance seems so foreign
and i stumble
so with an embarrassed heart
i gently ask but secretly plea
hold my hand
hold my hand and teach me to dance
and teach me to dance
and teach me to dance

tess julianna 8/25/17