today is “turn-around day” on our cruise ship…. today one group of passengers disembark only so another group can embark on a journey…. this past cruise from June 7-17th was so beautiful, it was beautiful because of the gift of love that i felt from all those beautiful faces…. i’ve struggled so hard this past year and a half on a journey i had no choice but to take… there were far too many tears cried…. i struggled and prayed for happiness, and it was the happiness that i prayed for that i finally felt this last week from all those beautiful faces…. they gave the gift to me that now, now i finally know that my tomorrow’s will be the tomorrow’s that i always prayed for……. and then i had to say goodbye…. so i wrote about “goodbyes”….
“the goodbyes in life”
goodbyes were cried and hugs were given, but it’s never enough to take the aching out of my heart…. i hate the goodbyes in life….. at times it seems all we do is say goodbye…
Joshua is gone (my dog) and i cry because i couldn’t even say my goodbye…. i left on this journey never knowing he would not be there to greet me once again when i walked through my door…… i just woke up one day and received a phone call that he was gone….. and gone is forever…… sometimes i hate forever’s, yet don’t we also hate our yesterday’s… life just tugs at us one way and then the other……
and once again our ship heads north, north in an adventure that so many have waited so long for….. my eyes drift among the shadows in this room, they paint a feeling of happiness with smiles that sparkle, their voices sing but i sit alone keeping company with my tears, for i want my yesterday…
often life is like that and it’s like that because of the people that walk into my life… they just appear out of nowhere and before you know it they are stealing a part of my heart…. what draws our souls together, for if i knew, maybe i could avoid the pain that will always follow with goodbye….
and time moves on, it’s constant but in our heart it never is…. i can remember when it took forever, my tears, my pain never letting go… i prayed for time to pass, pass so my tears would dry and i could maybe smile once again…. and now those beautiful faces have all left, gone on to their tomorrow’s and just left me with my aching heart for a yesterday that just wasn’t long enough….. i wish i could go back and freeze all those moments, hold on to them forever, but then i would be stealing their tomorrow’s…
i loved sitting on my stool, weaving stories, looking at their faces, eager for each word i would speak…. did they know that in those quiet moments that they were slowing stealing my heart, that i was being held captive by the love that was painted in their eyes….. and like a beautiful chorus they sang out my name, day after day…… and now i cry because will the music of my name be forgotten….. will they ever sing it again….. i promise myself over and over i will never forget their smiles but i’m afraid of time because time is a force, a force that can even erase the tallest mountains….
i think of my summer and all of the faces that greeted me everyday… i get confused with each cruise and all the faces that i prayed i would never forget…. each face i wanted to hold on to forever, yet forever always has it’s goodbyes and i’m tired of these goodbyes….
our journeys in life must go on, but i promise myself that i will never forget the love i felt from that cruise (June 7-17th)… and to that special voice, well i refuse to say goodbye
tess julianna 6/17/17
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