“ebbing of my summer winds”

this summer i read to many a suite of poems that dealt with me dealing with my mortality… i called this piece of writing “dreams”… “ebbing of my summer winds” belongs in this suite… enjoy!

“ebbing of my summer winds”

my days are slipping by
and with that so does time,
time that i can never have back
instead i just have my pocketfuls of memories….
and in this moment my thoughts are a chaotic collection
a collection of regrets, smiles, tears of joy,
of celebration
and memories
memories that i want to relive
memories that i cannot let go of
for i never want to be without them

where are my dancers
will we ever share those moments again
will i ever see your smiles as you dance…
why can’t these moments stand frozen in time
then i can have your smiles forever
forever instead of this summer of goodbyes
goodbyes that my shoulders had to carry
and i regret the miles i didn’t walk this summer
once again Deer Mountain was too much for my fragile feet
feet that once took me on endless hikes
always my boots awaited those trails
trails that seem never to end until now…..

but i’m so glad i took that hike with you though,
photos of a time i will hold on to
hold on to,
and searching for mushrooms
a dinner we shared with friends i hold dear
but now distance
a distance that won’t let me see your beautiful smiles

and of my Ketchikan days
that last beer tasted so good
we sat there
music
always i will remember the music from that day
we sat in conversation
enjoying the moment
enjoying each other’s presence
but now all those moments are gone

and where is my circle of friends
we sat in that circle every afternoon
you all helped me smile and laugh
you held my hand
for this journey is so new
but now i can’t see your smiles
for between us lies far too many miles

and i cry
i cry is this all i have from my alaskan summer
fragments of thoughts
of memories
i curse this passage of time
time that i will never have again
but it’s early in the morning
and i’m on a southbound run
a run that i know will take me home
to a time in which i can forge new memories
but still
i hate this passage of time
tess julianna 9/21/18

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